You can try your best, and still end up with something that doesn’t stay.
For the past two school years, I’ve been a writer and editor for the Stagline; telling other peoples’ stories. For my last one, I think I should share my own.
I used to think that effort- that if I showed up, played my role, and get good grades that things would fall into place; but I also learned that no matter how hard you try, those outcomes you desperately want aren’t always guaranteed.
This high school experience hasn’t been one I favored, but one that gave me clarity. I had days that were good, but for the most part there were days I was just sucking it up to keep the peace and move forward. There was a version of myself I was aiming to become by now, but I didn’t really get there. It stings, and gets the best of me sometimes. But I also learned that some years don’t leave you with closure, but with questions you get tired of asking.
I held back a lot. Kept my guard up almost all the time; held back from opportunities and even my own potential in some instances, and I take credit for that. There are some chapters I wish I can rewrite, this is one of them. Despite this, I learned that not every book has a happy ending to be worth telling.
Doing stories for the newspaper has taught me how to use my voice better, and the importance of telling others’ stories. With that, the biggest thing I took away is that everyone’s story, no matter how they ended up where they’re at is worth documenting. Growth doesn’t always feel good, but it will give you direction. If something doesn’t feel right to you, speak up. Don’t wait for it to pile up into something heavier. It’s not worth it. The more you learn to recognize that, the less explaining and pressure you have to go under.
I don’t really know what’s next for me. College feels like a question mark more than an exclamation point. But I know I’m leaving this chapter with more honesty and awareness. A sharper understanding of what I need, what feels right and what doesn’t.
Some things don’t fix. Some stories don’t close with a win, and some things aren’t meant to be finished. They just end without an applause, any explanation, but I still walk forward, not with closure, but with honesty.
Thanks for reading.
– Devin
