Many people who live in the state of Maryland can’t even point out Calvert County on the map. Located south of Anne Arundel County, Calvert has some of the best land in the state of Maryland. However, most people know nothing about Calvert County, so allow me to educate you on the day in the life of a citizen of Calvert County.

The rooster crows at 4:30 sharp each morning. I wake up, rubbing my eyes until I hear the commonplace shotgun shells go off right outside my house. That usually gets me going for the day. I get up and light a candle so I can see my way to the outhouse. When I step into the outhouse, I am disappointed to see that it is my turn to clean it out, so I do what I must. After I go back inside I partake in my weekly teeth brushing, and I brush my hair. For breakfast I have sausage and biscuits with gravy, I throw on my Reagan Bush ’84 shirt, and I head out to start my day.

I hop into my 1996 Ford F-150 and make my way down the dirt road, making sure to swerve to avoid cow patties along the way. As I head towards DeMatha, I start to see street lights and office buildings, which indicates to me that I’m getting to a place with access to the internet. I arrive at DeMatha and switch out my work boots for dress shoes, and go throughout my day.

When I get home, ma has usually started on dinner, but I have to prepare the meat. So I grab the previously mentioned shotgun and sit out in the woods, waiting for dinner to pass by. After about an hour of sitting up in a tree, covered in my own urine, I finally spot our dinner, a full male buck. I let out a loud “YEE YEE” as I capture my dinner and bring it home, where I will prepare the meat to be cooked.

After dinner, we have family time. My family has actually just purchased a 12 inch tube TV with the antenna on top of it, and we make sure to watch an hour of Fox News every night. As I lay back down on my straw bed, and blow out the candle and drift off to sleep listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd and Neil Young on my Walkman, ready to repeat the same process tomorrow.